Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
