Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it hurts more in the daytime
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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