worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
