Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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