wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
