I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
