i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
