guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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