She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
