she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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