I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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