just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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