see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize