where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
