I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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