so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
