i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
