Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
