There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
please don't ironically join a cult
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