So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
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Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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