I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
