textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
