OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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