The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
