I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
