something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
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Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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