Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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