I want to make a zoo with you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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