also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
