I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
