Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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