Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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