Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
