oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
