I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
