Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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