what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
