Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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