It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
