The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i love accidental penises.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
