I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
