dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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