Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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