I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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