apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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