at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
