I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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