His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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