You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
