The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize