i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
