I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
