is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
