my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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