peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize