if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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