yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
