What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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