There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
