Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
