I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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