My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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