You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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