i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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