Hey man sorry I got all grabby
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
