Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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