omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
